Common Theme Forming Here

Do you see a theme forming here on this blog about discouragement, doubt, worry, and fear? Are those qualities of a woman focusing her life on Jesus? I don't think so. That all needs to stop. Stopping now. Please help hold me accountable.

I was reading some older posts when I noticed that theme. I knew I had been having up and down moments with this call but the valleys seem to be happening more and more often. Perhaps it is because we've been at this for almost 10 months now. 10 months now preparing to leave. Wondering when we would leave. Trying not to change our minds and obediently follow our call. Other members are going through the same thing - it's not only be. So is that supposed to make me feel better? It doesn't. It makes me feel like I need to be stronger. Stronger in my trust in the Lord and His plan for me.

Sarah's Mom just sent me a text reminding me of what I already know but of course don't act like it. She reminded me that God is at work on my behalf and He has all the details in proper order. I need to trust in Jesus and stop trying to figure it out myself.

I met with C today. He said the same thing to me but a little harsher. I can always count on him to be bluntly honest with me. He said that I'm trying to read the tea leaves so to speak. Stop trying to figure out the future. Duh!?

I decided to just ask the Lord for confirmation AGAIN. I praise Him for his constant patience with me and His unwavering love for me! On the way home this afternoon, I had a short chat with Him. One sided. I said "Lord, I am willing to do whatever it is you want me to do whenever it is. I'm just not sure NYC is it anymore. Why aren't we there yet if that is the plan for us? Please give me my verse (Isiah 40:31) today - within 24 hours. I'm not sure I should even be allowed to ask you yet again but I just need it. Please give that to me." And then we got home and into the hustle and bustle of life and I forgot about it. Yes, I know, it is a very common verse. But I didn't know this when the Lord first gave it to me. Honestly, I don't read it very often. Here and there and usually only when I need it.

Sometimes I feel guilty for doubting and asking. Pastor says he always asks for confirmations 3 times over before believing. I guess I'm good then only ask for one : ) Superstar said she feels like she is testing Him. I do too sometimes but then I am reminded of Gideon in Judges 6.

" 36 Gideon said to God, "If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised- 37 look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said." 38 And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew—a bowlful of water.

39 Then Gideon said to God, "Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request. Allow me one more test with the fleece. This time make the fleece dry and the ground covered with dew." 40 That night God did so. Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew."

Fast forward about a whole 50 minutes. K#2 had asked me for help with one of her daily devotional questions this morning. We had to leave early for NCKids camp so I didn't have a chance to go over it with her. I asked her to get it and said we could finish it up. What was at the top of the page?

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength - Isiah 40:31"

Yup - right there. Exactly what I asked for - 23 hours sooner than I had expected it. Do I still not understand? Apparently not!

Hrm....

I was just driving home from a short visit with my parents tonight. While there, I do always check my emails. I read a quick post on our Communitas forum from a member with an incredible message. So on the drive home, I was contemplating what I had read.

Then, Gotta just love those church bulletin boards, don't you? I read:

God's Website is Never Down IF Accessed by Prayer ...

HRMM >>>>

Was I just wondering why he hasn't been speaking VERY clearly to me lately? I was I just wondering why I feel so lost, disconnected, confused, and stressed lately?

Think I read that sign because, Oh, I don't know, our internet at home KEEPS going down on an hourly basis and I KNOW that is a sign that I'm not supposed to be on it. Wasn't it just last week that I self impossed a one hour time limit to the computer and that was to be AFTER my quite time with the Lord? Have I been doing that???

Honesty

Last Sunday, Kensington wrapped up their 'Magnet' series with a sermon on Honesty. Click on Honesty, to be taken to their site to view it for yourself.

Saturday night prior, we had stayed up past midnight. I was tired and knew I would be even more tired if I woke up at 6:30 am to go to church. I haven't felt like getting up for service on Sundays in quite a few months. I've done it though because the girls have small groups which I think are important for them. When I went to bed, I turned my alarm off. I said, "Lord, if you want me to go to service in the morning, then you wake me up." Off to dreamland I went.

I awoke at 6:30 am. Wide Awake. So off to service we went. It was a good service. I got something out of it. I know, I shouldn't be a consumer of church. Normally I'm not. But I do like to learn something new when I sit there for about an hour. I don't think I learned anything new, but some old things were re-enforced and brought back to the fore front of my mind.

After service, we drove over to my parents house so Pete and my Dad could put new brake pads on my car (which is actually my father in law's car - whose been very generous by allowing me to borrow it until we move). It turned out to need not only new pads, but also new routers and new wheel bearings. $155 later and the job was done. Cheaper than a car payment.

Back up a minute though. On the way to my parents house, we stopped to get my Mom a coffee at Tim Horton's. She is ADDICTED to them! So we order one large coffee with cream. I know it should be $1.55. I have gift card to pay for part of it. I'm not sure what the balance is but I know it's not enough to pay for it. The lady hands us the coffee and Pete starts to pull off. I tell him to stop because we owe them some change. We look at the receipt and tell her we owe her some change. She says "No you don't. The register didn't tell me you did." We show her our receipt that says we do. She says "You are just about the most honest people I have ever met." Well, it was just change. But we knew we owed it and if she did that a few times a day, her register would be short. Besides that, the girls were all ears in the backseat listening to our conversation. K#1 listens to EVERY word I say to anyone BUT her, especially when it comes to money. I hope it was a lesson learned for them.