My Most Favorite Family EVAR!

How can you not love a family as caring and beautiful as this? I LOVE these guys! And I don't say that about too many people : )

Out of 110 photos, I tried to pick my top favorites. They Kellys are so awesome that I had to post about their immediate family alone in one post. Here they are: (Click on any image to enlarge it)

Photo Shoot

Tonight Pete and I had the privilege of shooting family portraits for one of the families of the Communitas Team. It was a BLAST! This family is just full of life and so fun to be around. I"ll post more pictures when I get a chance but this one was so fun that I had to get it up right away.

(click on any image to make it larger)

Meet T$ and Superstar:


How can you not love this family?

Malachi Means Messenger

I did not know that the first time that I read Malachi that it means Messenger. I still did not know that the next dozen or so times that I read it. I did not even know a book of Malachi even existed until August 27, 2007. That day, Malachi was a Messenger to me from God. NOW it all makes sense to me! On that very morning, I pulled a bible off of the bookshelf. I cried out to God with all of the power I had left in me and asked "Please tell me what to do. I will do whatever you tell me to do. Just please give me direction." Up to that point, I had not really read from my bible in YEARS. I didn't think I could. It was like reading a foreign language to me. I then read the table of contents. I said to God "How are you going to tell me something through your word when I don't even know where to look. OK, how about the last book of the Old Testament." And there it was. My answer. I had to read it three times over before I could believe how God clearly spoke to me. From the NIV in bold type at the very end:

Judah Unfaithful

10 Have we not all one Father ^[c] ? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our fathers by breaking faith with one another?

11 Judah has broken faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god. 12 As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the LORD cut him off from the tents of Jacob ^[d] —even though he brings offerings to the LORD Almighty.

13 Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14 You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

15 Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. ^[e] So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

16 "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself ^[f] with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty.
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

I told Him I would do what he said and I have. I continue to seek Him and do His will. As Maria keeps repeating over and over to herself, "Thy will be done." Because of that, He moves mountains for us. His work is not done yet but I am in AWE in what He has already done with us.

Peace

I've been struggling over the past few weeks again. I feel stagnant. Like nothing is happening. I keep asking the Lord to reveal something, anything, to me. Nothing. I know I just need to rest in Him and find peace with my current situation. I know He has me right where He wants me. I just wish I knew why! I just read this on another blog and it really spoke to me:

"Come to me and rest in my loving presence. You know that this day will bring difficulties, and you are trying to think your way through those trials. As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forget that I am with you - now and always. Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur. Do not multiply your suffering in this way! Instead, come to me and relax in my peace. I will strengthen you and prepare you for this day, transforming your fear into confident trust. (Matthew 11:28-30; Joshua 1:5, 9)"

Best Friends Forever (or BFF if you are on the internet too much)

(I actually wrote this post on 4/29/08 but never got around to posting it that night ... )

Ecclesiastes 7:5 says, “It is better to be criticized by a wise person than to be praised by a fool!” (NLT)

A few months ago, T$ posted about his BFFs. That has been on my mind for quite sometime now for a variety of reasons. For the past 15 (almost 16 YIKES!) years if you asked me who my best friend was, I'd say Pete and my Mom. Honestly they are. I share everything with each of them and complain about each of them to the other one. My life has been quite a roller coaster and probably for that reason, I never tend to get close to anyone. Yes I have acquaintances, as I would be sure to refer to them and even some friends. I'm not a hermit after-all, just introverted. And I generally don't trust people. Honestly, I didn't really trust my Man much until about 2 years ago. That is my issue though and not going to go into that here. But no BFF. People always question that about me right away. Then we have our interview for the Communitas team. I don't think I will ever forget this. One man was part of the interview team that we had never met or even heard of. He's a well respected elder at the church. About half way through he asks who is my BFF. I say Pete. Then Pastor's Wife says, Yeah but who else? I respond with my Mom. Then this man says, but WHO else? Who do you confide in? Who to share your troubles with? Who do you complain about Pete and your Mom to? Well no one. God I suppose. I've always tried to take my troubles to Him. For Him to listen to them and then somehow I've worked it all out. That was all I had. I didn't have any other BFF. Thanks for making me feel so little Mike! (I'm just teasing!) I was thankful he was so honest with his thoughts with us even though the entire experience was unnerving. Imagine sharing your deepest, darkest, thoughts, feelings, insecurities, with 4 complete strangers! But the Holy Spirit entered the room with us and took care of it all. After that interview, I thought for sure we were out and not going to NYC! Boy was I wrong. I had friends when the girls were at Roeper and even before that. It seems my friends change though as my life changes. No BFF still hanging around from high school like for my Man. I even keep in contact with some of them. CPopp is AWESOME! I love to chat God stuff with her and kid stuff. She gets my kids - sometimes better than I do. Andy was always fun to scrapbook with. She's the only one that got that about me. MK - she's older and wiser than me and a good listener. I never went deep with any of them though. My litmus test was this - did they know my 'secret'. It's not bad - just my thing. None of them did. I didn't trust any of them that much to go that deep with them. Or maybe I didn't trust myself. I didn't want to be vulnerable. I didn't want them to judge me. I don't mean anything against any of them - I love each and every one of them for stated reasons (and hope to keep in touch once we move) but none of them can understand what I am going through right now.

Then God answered my prayers that I didn't even know I had. He put MANY wonderful women in my life via the Communitas team. They aren't all going to my BFF, but there is potential. I'm still taking applications : ) Superstar . She's AWESOME! A true blessing in my life. It was His plan for us to meet and go through this together. I can't imagine how I would handle some days without being able to email her and just whine and not worry that she is judging me. She's been a believer much longer than I have but only recently decided to follow God's plan to get uncomfortable with her life, just like me. Her girls are beautiful, sweet, full of life, AND close in age to my girls. She's just a year (or 2 is it?) older than me so we are in the same stage of life. At first I was doubtful - she's frugal - I wasn't really. She extroverted - I'm not. Her husband is a Middle School Principle and I homeschool. How would they ever get that about us? But none of that really matters. She ROCKS! I know I can email or call her anytime and she'll listen. AND her hubby and mine HIT it off! My man needed a man like hers in his life - someone that got what he was going through - someone that is not afraid to call him out when he's being a jerk either. She knows my 'secret'. I told her just a few short months after meeting her. I had to if our friendship was ever going to go any further. She didn't judge me or pretend to understand. She only listened. You have to be a believer in order to get what God has done in my life over the past two years. Sometimes I still don't believe it. We still have a lot to learn about and from each other but give me a break - I've only know her for 8 short months and she already knows half of my life story. If only she could scrap, then she would be perfect. But alas, she has no interest. I'll keep on her though and pray for her : )

Mother Maria. She's just a spiritual GIANT! Another gift from God. Seriously! She hears from God - the Holy Spirit speaks through her. She mentors me and doesn't even realize it! She's about the age of my Mom too coincidentally : ) She has four grown sons so she's been through and is still going through the mothering thing. She answers my questions (and I have a lot) and doesn't make me feel stupid for asking and not knowing. She even explains things that I probably should know about the bible and don't without acting exhausted. AND she SCRAPS! How cool is that? I was so worried I'd be scrapping ALONE in NYC but now I have her. Unless you scrap, you wouldn't understand. She loves me too, that I'll never understand.

Sarah's Mom. She's a generation older than me but her daughter is younger than my youngest so we are in the same season of life. She's quite a believer too! She's introverted so she doesn't mind just hanging out and not talking the whole entire time. She likes to cook too! How fun for me. My girls love going over to their place to play with Sarah while we chat and cook. And she makes a good cup of CAFFEINATED coffee. She's leader of the Prayer Team and making me pray out loud in the group and start to feel comfortable doing it and I don't think she even realizes it. Her hubby is just as sarcastic as me and gets that too which is an added plus.

E's Mom as the girls call her. She gets my personality. She's just as sarcastic as me. Sometimes just as mean. Not that I want to be mean all of the time to everyone but she knows that is how I show my love. And her too. And her son is the same age as K1. Very cool. She likes to cook too. I know I used AND way too much. I needed to show emphasis on all the additional gifts these wonderful women had. As if the first one wasn't enough, there was even more.

Everyone else on the team is just as SUPER and has their own specialness that they add to the team. I look forward to getting to know them all better. These are just the women that I've started to bond with and look forward to doing life with. I sincerely MISS each and every one of them when we don't meet. I can't imagine life in NYC without them!

Girls Night Out

Last Friday we weren't having our normal Communitas meeting because we were serving at the Homeless BBQ in Detroit. Since we were meeting as a whole, the girls decided to have Girls Night Out. It was a small group; Superstar, Mother Maria, Nurse, and myself. I don't know Nurse well so it was a nice time to get to know her better and hear her story. She's been to India with Pastor and Mother Maria so I was envious of her experiences. I've wanted to go there since the first time I heard about it at church.

They left about 9 but Superstar and I stayed about just past 11 pm. We don't get the chance to talk much in person (LOTS of emailing) so I relish in the chance to speak to her in person.

I mentioned to the ladies about some of my current frustrations with my Man. Nothing horrible - just frustrations. Superstar reminded me of how I should be speaking to him and am not. Mother Maria reminded me of these verses from Ephesians 5 that I know but try to forget:

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing^[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."^[c] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

She also asked if I'd heard of the book Love and Respect by Dr. Eggerichs. I replied,
"Yup - I bought it for my Man for Christmas this past year" and just
packed it away. A lot of good that was!" After she got done laughing at me (as she often does but I know she's laughing because she's been where I"m at and knows I still have much to learn) she strongly suggested that I unpack it or she would lend me her copy. I asked her why she had it (she's divorced) and her reply was "The Lord told me to read it to prepare for my future husband." See how amazing she is! I was then convicted and changed the subject.

In my past, if I would talk (more like complain) about my Man, friends would agree and commiserate with me in my misery. That is all in good intentions but doesn't help. These are Real Woman who called me out on my behavior. I've never had such good friends who were willing to do that.

On my way home, I gave my Man to God. Sounds easy enough, doesn't it. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I'm quite controlling. Really I am. I've been trying to change him for almost 16 years now to no avail. He has made HUGE strides in change but it is all thanks to the Lord and Pete's willingness to listen and obey. None of it is to my credit. So that's it. I said "God, He is All YOURS. Do what you wish with him. Change him or don't. But please give me peace that he is no longer my concern." I obviously still love and adore him and will take of him as I should and enjoy doing. I just can't try to change him or make him do things he doesn't want to do. It was a wonderful week after I did that.

When we got together as a team this past week-end, E's Mom was talking about some of her voluntary pre-marriage counseling that she and C and going through right now. She mentioned that the Dr. said to her that she need to be nicer to C. She just blew that off. I was right there with her in that sentiment just a few short months ago. I was regularly mean to Pete. After all, that's how he knew I loved him. Right? That's how I am with everyone. People know I use that as a cover to protect my trues feelings. It's my wall that I keep up to keep people out so that they can't hurt me.

Then somehow the conversation turned to mentor couples and E's Mom jokingly said to me, "You guys could mentor us." Chills came across me with more conviction. Sure we could. If they wanted a mentor couple to show them all the things NOT to do in a marriage. Then we are certainly the couple for them.

Praise to the Lord that we are completely different people today than we were on the day we were married! Still broken. Still trying with His grace.

Trusting in The Lord for Provisions

For the past 16 years, I have pretty much solely handled all of our finances with very little input from my Man. God has told us both that it is time for Him to take over and He will work through my Man to accomplish what He wants for us. I have fought him relentlessly on this but I know I must submit. I know He has and will continue to bless us. I need to trust in Him for His Provisions. I've been working on a series about this on my Frugal site but it's not ready to publish yet. I couldn't not share this and it seemed to fit on this blog more appropriately.

Today my Man and I tried to do a budget together. We've tried before. It normally ends up with him walking away from me in frustration and me crying and mad at him for not understanding. We have tried again for the past two weeks. Our meetings have ended better than normal but still not with a successful budget. Today was our third attempt. We still don't have a budget but we did get further in our discussions. I think by next week we will have it.

I was just catching up some blog reading from this very busy week-end we had. Gibble always posts song lyrics on Sunday to a favorite song of his. Since on my PC with no TV on (in-laws are in TN for the week) I thought I would put some music on my laptop while I read. Gather Little By Little actually had a guest post up too that just hit me! You can read the full post here titled Whatever Happened To No Other Gods. Two sentences jumped out at me. " Matthew 6:24 reminds us that we cannot serve both God and money and it’s clear we’ve made our choice. Our treasures are stored in our 401(k) where compounding interest means more than interest in God’s plan.

Pete just came into the room and I read it to him. He thought that was interesting given our conversation earlier today. Then he opened up his Experiencing God workbook. This was the first thing that he read:

"I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold, I'd rather be His than have riches untold; I'd rather have Jesus than houses or lands, I'd rather be led by His nail pierced hand." By Rhea Miller

Pete and I were JUST talking about his 401K today. We have a comfortable chunk saved up from just the past 2 years. I'd hate to let that safety net go. But should we liquidate it, we'd be out of credit card debt. When we move and Pete changes jobs, we will have access to that money. Yes I know there are tax implications. We are also paying interest on that debt. We'd have to start all over again. But we are only 34 & 32 years old and neither one of us can ever imagine retiring.

I have to use God as my safety net - not our 401K.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21

I See A Trend Here

Tonight our Communitas team met with Pastor's Coach. I wasn't sure what the point of us meeting him was. I knew there must be something to it or Pastor would not have arranged it. As it turns out, it was very beneficial to meet him. We met with him for about 2 hours and I'm sure we could have met for another 2 hours easily!

He had a lot of very useful information to share. He asked pointed questions that got us all talking. He even got us started on a somewhat heated debated. Not in a bad way. Just in a way that allowed many people to speak about how they were feeling and to bounce ideas of off each other. The conversation is far from over but it made me happy he was here to chat with us. He's not a coach in the sports sense of the word, as in he knows everything and it has to be his way or else, but in a way that he has done this a lot and observed others doing it. He's here to help us avoid making the same mistakes that others that have gone before us have made.

He spoke about a few specific things that clicked with me personally. I recently started to notice a trend with the team about getting healthy. A few months ago James said he was working out and giving up meat. God has been speaking to me about the same thing for quite sometime now but I've been choosing to avoid it. Hearing that was just another message to me that I needed to do the same thing. Many team members are fasting on sweets until they sell/rent their houses, find jobs and apartments in NYC. That will also make them healthier. God has very clearly been telling me that I needed to give up junk food (thankfully nothing about giving up chips & salsa : )
J sold his car and is riding his bike 4 miles everyday to work. T$ is eating healthy!

Last week my Man mentions that he hopes to finally get his health on the right path and start jogging again. He quit jogging in the middle of last summer. He goes to see a specialist tomorrow which gives us hope that he may have a diagnosis that will explain years of health issues. This diagnosis will allow us to finally treat it and get him on track to being healthy again. He is also fasting on sweets.

Coach had a few key points he wanted to share with us. One was that we needed to get healthy. We needed to take our best physical and emotional beings to NYC.

That's it. I see the trend. I need to do it. I need to truly fast on sweets and eat healthy. Always. I know this but now I'm convicted.

Embarrased to Admit This Out Loud

"21Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." (Matt 19:21)

I'm really ashamed to admit this but I feel like I have to. To show you honestly how I process things.

When we moved into my in-laws home, we moved both of the girls' bedroom sets to my parents house. I said it was so that when we came over to visit we would all have a place to sleep comfortably. My parents still live in the same house as when I left to marry my Man so they have two spare bedrooms. I justified it by saying that it was really good furniture, expensive furniture, furniture that I had intended for the girls to have forever - or at least as long as they lived with me. I also said that I couldn't sell it for what it was really worth and couldn't bare to take such a huge loss on it. That was all true but not the real reason for keeping it.

I was holding onto it for when we 'moved back home'. I thought I would need it again when we moved back to Michigan. I was acting as if this move to NYC was only temporary. That I would eventually come back to my life as I know it now. The move to NYC may only be temporary but I shouldn't be living my life like it is - expecting things to 'go back to normal'. There is no more normal once you decide to follow God's plan and not your own.

I asked my Man last week "What will we do if you don't get a job in NYC? Where will we live? Where will we go? We can't stay living with your parents forever" That was the doubting in my flesh. God gave me confirmation. We ARE moving to NYC. We've rented our house for 11 more months. But in my heart, I can't ever go back to living there or like that. That's not my life anymore.

I can honestly say that I have no idea what my future holds for me. That is hard for me because I've always had a five year plan for my life and a plan B and sometimes even a plan C. Much to my Man's dismay, I even had a plan for how I would handle things should he die. That's the kind of planner I am. Always a plan for everything. I thought I knew where I was headed in life. I don't know that anymore. Only God does. As long as I'm following God's plan for my life, I don't know what my future holds for me. It brings new meaning to the cliche "Live your life as if today is your last". God hasn't told me where I'll be in one year. Heck, he hasn't told me where I'll be in one month! He has told me that I'm going to NYC. That could be next week, next month, or in 3 months.

The point is, I had to get rid of that furniture. It was almost like my secret back up plan. Last month I finally sold Kaeterina's bedroom set. It was still in excellent condition and could be converted to a crib so I knew I could sell it for a decent price on craigslist. But I was still holding on to K2's. Three weeks ago I re-listed her set, agreeing to let pieces go if someone wanted only certain pieces. Thinking I could still use what was left. Someone bought just her tall dresser. That then left her trundle bed and long dresser. I didn't put any effort into selling those. I was still holding on. Normally I delete and re-list items on craigslist in order to keep them at the top of the page and sell them quickly. I really know my stuff on how to sell things. I didn't do that with her stuff. Then someone started to email me. I had it priced kind of high (I know so as to avoid any offers) But someone still was interested. She came to look at it on Sunday. As I was cleaning out the drawers with My Man, I said to God,"I know you can sell this if you want to. I'm not doubting your power. But I don't think it's going to sell. I don't want to be wasting my time cleaning this out and then having to put it all back." Obviously I was testing Him but that was not my intention. He knows my heart. He sold it. For my asking price. When will I ever learn???

Aren't We Supposed To Be A Team

I thought we (as in my Man and I) were supposed to be a team. If that is the case, then why is it that every time God blesses him, I take personal offense to it? Why can't I see that He is blessing me as well and just him? What is wrong with me?

My Man hasn't done much in the way of job searching. Not in my eyes anyways. Not the way I think he should be doing it. I KNEW this would happen. I just hate when things go the way that I know they will. My Man has only ever gotten one job by a blind application. Every other job he has gotten by knowing someone somewhere. I was afraid that he'd think this was going to happen that way too. And he does. After all, if this is God's plan for us, then He will handle the details. He finally admitted that to me on Saturday last week. I know that was hard for him. I don't have the gift of Faith. He does. God has always watched over him and taken care of him. Often at times when I thought He should let him fail. Not because I wanted him to fail but because I wanted him to learn a lesson. I always got mad at God for interfering with my plans to change Pete and teach him something he needed to learn. Can you believe I actually acted and thought that way? It was not so blatantly obvious to me then as it is now. But all I can say, is WOW. I'm something else sometimes.

When I heard the wonderful news about the A's renting out their house, I knew we were done. That would only give confirmation to Pete that God would give him the right job when it was time. And basically he wouldn't do anything about it in the meantime. That just frustrates the heck out of a controlling, planning person like me. I still have a thing or two to learn.

But God gives me the gift of Grace. I don't deserve it. I know that. But am so very thankful that He gives it to me regularly. I still need it. I hope to learn someday.

There Is More To The Story

There is more to the parking lot story. Most of it is deeply personal so I didn't intend to share it all. I will share just a little bit more.

I, like many broken people I suppose, often doubt that God will be there with me forever, no matter what, in any and every situation. I should have learned better from my Daniel studies, to know that even though God doesn't always choose to deliver us from the fire, that He will at a minimum be with us as we go through the fire. This doubt most often comes when I am not spending my quiet time with Him in the morning before I start my days. And I feel it through out the day too. It's as if the enemy puts a few extra coals on the fire for me especially.

But my point is this. Every time I pull into a parking lot, I fully expect God not to be there. It is my own flesh that doesn't have enough faith. Every time I pull into a parking lot, HE IS THERE. This is Him reminding me that He will always be there. He will never let me down. He will never disappoint. I'm still constantly amazed at His faithfulness - at His love for me - His love for someone that doesn't serve His forgiveness, His blessings, nor His love. He is flawless.

I look forward to walking with Him in NYC - just not too far : )