Girls Night Out

Last Friday we weren't having our normal Communitas meeting because we were serving at the Homeless BBQ in Detroit. Since we were meeting as a whole, the girls decided to have Girls Night Out. It was a small group; Superstar, Mother Maria, Nurse, and myself. I don't know Nurse well so it was a nice time to get to know her better and hear her story. She's been to India with Pastor and Mother Maria so I was envious of her experiences. I've wanted to go there since the first time I heard about it at church.

They left about 9 but Superstar and I stayed about just past 11 pm. We don't get the chance to talk much in person (LOTS of emailing) so I relish in the chance to speak to her in person.

I mentioned to the ladies about some of my current frustrations with my Man. Nothing horrible - just frustrations. Superstar reminded me of how I should be speaking to him and am not. Mother Maria reminded me of these verses from Ephesians 5 that I know but try to forget:

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing^[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."^[c] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

She also asked if I'd heard of the book Love and Respect by Dr. Eggerichs. I replied,
"Yup - I bought it for my Man for Christmas this past year" and just
packed it away. A lot of good that was!" After she got done laughing at me (as she often does but I know she's laughing because she's been where I"m at and knows I still have much to learn) she strongly suggested that I unpack it or she would lend me her copy. I asked her why she had it (she's divorced) and her reply was "The Lord told me to read it to prepare for my future husband." See how amazing she is! I was then convicted and changed the subject.

In my past, if I would talk (more like complain) about my Man, friends would agree and commiserate with me in my misery. That is all in good intentions but doesn't help. These are Real Woman who called me out on my behavior. I've never had such good friends who were willing to do that.

On my way home, I gave my Man to God. Sounds easy enough, doesn't it. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I'm quite controlling. Really I am. I've been trying to change him for almost 16 years now to no avail. He has made HUGE strides in change but it is all thanks to the Lord and Pete's willingness to listen and obey. None of it is to my credit. So that's it. I said "God, He is All YOURS. Do what you wish with him. Change him or don't. But please give me peace that he is no longer my concern." I obviously still love and adore him and will take of him as I should and enjoy doing. I just can't try to change him or make him do things he doesn't want to do. It was a wonderful week after I did that.

When we got together as a team this past week-end, E's Mom was talking about some of her voluntary pre-marriage counseling that she and C and going through right now. She mentioned that the Dr. said to her that she need to be nicer to C. She just blew that off. I was right there with her in that sentiment just a few short months ago. I was regularly mean to Pete. After all, that's how he knew I loved him. Right? That's how I am with everyone. People know I use that as a cover to protect my trues feelings. It's my wall that I keep up to keep people out so that they can't hurt me.

Then somehow the conversation turned to mentor couples and E's Mom jokingly said to me, "You guys could mentor us." Chills came across me with more conviction. Sure we could. If they wanted a mentor couple to show them all the things NOT to do in a marriage. Then we are certainly the couple for them.

Praise to the Lord that we are completely different people today than we were on the day we were married! Still broken. Still trying with His grace.