Really? Is this how it is supposed to end? None of what happened today was a surprise to God. He knew how things were going to play out. I'm having a hard time believing though that this was His plan. I know after coming home from a SUPER New Community service that I should expect something. Maybe it was Satan attacking. Or maybe it was just humans being who we are. Sinners. Jerks. Meanies.
I was talking with C a few weeks ago about relationships. That is what is supposed to be most important to us all. Relationships. He asked probing questions about why I don't have many deep friendships. Why do I have so many acquaintances but very few best friends. Why do I keep a double thick brick wall up. Why do I always there for others but don't count on anyone to be there for me. This is why. People suck. You get hurt. I've had enough hurt in my life so far to last me an entire lifetime. Just when you trust someone and start to let them in, they disappoint. I'm sure I do the same thing. I'm not claiming to be perfect. I just don't see the point in putting yourself in that position.
I just had a nice, long phone conversation with Beaner. She's going through it too but taking it all alot better than I am. I am grateful to have her in my life right now. I never would have guessed that I'd be leaning on her a year ago. But God did. She's taking it better because she has lowered her expectations. I know I should too. I think I have lowered them. But just how low do you go?
I fully expected Mother Superiors response. But I wasn't expecting the response I got from a few others.
But really? I thought I was out of high school. Yes I did play my part in it. In my defense, I was caught off guard and hurt deeply. But still, I could have just let it all go. But I couldn't help myself.
Michelle says that icky things happen in 3s. I hope not. I know that deaths seem to happen in 3s. But I can't take anymore of yesterday again. At least not this week.
Please Lord, put a shed of protection around us and keep Satan at bay so that we can all continue to do your work.
This too shall pass.
Tomorrow is a new day.
1 comment:
I am so saddened to read your post. Yes, people will disappoint, but that doesn't mean you should block yourself from feeling either. We have to allow people in, be vulnerable and let ourselves get hurt, and then know that God is the only one who can fill us up. And having his love is enough for any of us. I do understand that you are hurt now, so am I, but I encourage you to work through it.
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